A New Definition for Perfection, By Lindsay Moore

Lindsay Moorephoto12013… sounds spacey.  Like I am somewhat disappointed that I am not like Jane Jetson and can jump in and get my hair changed and all done up with the press of a button.  Would make things a bit easier for sure   But goodness how grateful I am that we are here. In this moment. Thankful.  Grateful.  Humbled. I have so many “business” posts coming.  Workshop info, Valentine’s day info, End of year stuff, session upon session to share.  But for now, if you will, allow me to take a moment to share a more personal post with you. 2012 brought with it many things for my small world.  I believe that we will fondly recall 2012 as the “year of Racer Lee.”  It was now almost a year ago that we found out he was on his way.  And it was just 5 short months ago that he totally redefined life for me when he made his incredibly GRAND entrance, 6 weeks early.  He started teaching me lessons before I even had him in my arms.  Lessons that I desperately needed to learn.  Like no matter how much I plan things in my life that sometimes life has its’ own plan for me.  He taught me to slow down, or at least is attempting to. You would think that fifth baby – he is going to be the most “go with the flow” of the bunch – and he is, don’t get me wrong.  I cannot say enough about how amazing of a baby he is.  But he can be quite opinionated at times.  Like when he wants to lie down.  In a bed.  With me.  I’m paying attention.  He wants me to pay attention.  I am forever grateful. I have written and rewritten this blog post in my head so many times.  Should I write it?  Should I share it with the whole wide {web} world?  Ultimately I have decided it is time to share.  I have read so many blogs from mothers about their children, their obstacles, and just their life that were so inspiring to me.  Stories that allowed me to cry with them.  To laugh with them.  To learn through them.  Could it be possible that my own story could help someone out there?  I believe it could. You see, Racer was born with something called symbrachydachtyly.  His left hand has only a thumb and 2 fingers, and a nubbin that would have been the other 2 fingers.  Think of doing “I Love You” in sign language and that is my babies hand.   {Pretty amazing, right?  To have your child always telling you and the world that they love them?} The first hour was the scariest of my life.  Not only were we dealing with a preemie who they rushed off from me faster than I could have ever been prepared for, but now we were dealing with such a big unknown.  Did they miss something else?  Is he ok?  How could this happen?  So many questions with absolutely no answers for what seemed like an eternity.  Within an hour we had some answers.  It was just his hand.  Everything else looked fine.  He needed to be in the NICU, but that was to be expected with a 33 weeker.  He was perfect. We spent the next few hours {and days} researching.  I learned more than I ever thought I would about hands.  There is nothing genetic about symbrachydachtyly.  It was nothing we did or didn’t do.  It is one of those things that just happens and no one knows why.  He will have to have at least 2 surgeries starting in March to separate his fingers as they are webbed, but after that he will not need anything else. I remember having a moment of peace in the middle of the night.  We can do this.  He is going to be absolutely fine.  The focus then was on the four other precious babies that were waiting not so patiently to meet their new baby brother.  They came to the hospital that next day.  We told them all what was going on and what to expect before we headed to the NICU.  All of them were not even phased by our explanation to them.  They saw him and loved every little tiny inch of him.  Immediately.  They held both his hands.  They were so amazing.  It was then that it was confirmed.  He is going to be absolutely fine.  We are going to be fine. Now we just had to focus on getting him out of the hospital.  Doing all the things that happen with preemies.  Get him off the oxygen.  Get him off the IVs.  Get him to eat.  Lose the NG tube.  Get him home.  It all happened when he was ready for it to.  Again, with his lessons for me. Then the long explanations to people.  I felt like I needed to tell everyone in person.  I didn’t want for anyone to hear anything other than what I wanted them to hear.  I wanted them to know that we were ok.  I wanted them to hear it in the tone in my voice.  For some reason I only thought that this could come from us. The first phone calls were the hardest.  How do you start that conversation?  They were some of the most important for me though.  Most of them I didn’t make it very far into it without tears.  I didn’t know what to say and add to that the fact I had just gone through a wrenching 2 week period in the hospital with so many unknowns – I was a wreck.  I was ok with what we were dealing with as far as his hand was concerned – well – as ok as I could be. I am a very positive person, but let’s face it, no one can go through what we went through and not have moments of just pure confusion and heartbreak.  But ultimately when life gives you moments like these I firmly believe that so much of your experience is based on how you react.  There was no way I was going to let something like this take away the joy of this perfect, precious, little boy. It didn’t take long before the conversations became rehearsed I felt.  I dreaded them.  Here I had this absolutely perfect, beautiful little boy that everyone wanted to just oogle over and I felt like I had to explain all about what was happening, because what if I didn’t explain – would they think I was hiding it?  This is when I made the best decision I could have. Facebook. You see, it wasn’t only hard on me when I had to tell people.  How does one react to this news?  I was taking for granted the fact that I had time to have dealt with what was now our normal, but to others this was all a shock.  I can only imagine that it wasn’t easy being on the other end of the phone.  Trying to be strong for me but yet being heartbroken at the same time.  Facebook allowed me to share and people to read and react in whatever way they needed to. I was able to share with friends, family, colleagues, and the like about his hand… with about 300 characters.  To say that was freeing is an understatement.  To be able to walk into a place filled with people that hadn’t seen him yet but to not have to feel like I had to explain anything with my speech was so wonderful.  I felt like we could totally focus on how absolutely perfect he is.  And we did. All of a sudden so many of my friends had stories for me.  Incredibly successful people they had known with something similar.  So many wonderful stories to hear.  And one of my dear friends sent me this… “So yesterday I told my girls about Racer’s fingers. Their response was “that’s okay, he will still be able to do anything he wants”! So on we went with our day. Well, this morning I saw one of the girls with masking tape and didn’t think much of it. She then came out and asked me to throw a squishy ball to her, little did I know that she had her fingers taped so she could be like Racer and show me that he will still be able to catch a ball! Well there you have it, through the eyes of a 6 year old, he can do it all.” My.  Heart.  Is.  Full. Do I worry that he will face people in big and small form that will not think he is so perfect?  Yes. Do I believe they will eat their own words after getting to know him?  Yes. Do I worry that I might be too protective at times?  Yes. Do I think he was born into the absolute PERFECT family for him?  Yes. Do I believe that he is making me a better person?  Yes. Why now am I choosing to share this?  Well, my beautiful, inspiring daughter said one simple thing to me that made every bell and whistle go off in my world.  We were taking pictures and I was arranging them all.  When asking Justin to hold his hand, Avery’s question in the most sweet, soft voice was “Why are you trying to hide his hand?  It is a part of him.”  I could have fallen over when she said that. I haven’t posted pictures that showed his hand.  In my mind I was trying to protect him.  I hated the thought that someone would look at him with anything other than total adoration.  I did not want his hand, that I love with all of my being, to define him to someone else.  It is our normal.  But for it to be everyone else’s normal, I cannot hide it.  My precious daughter taught me a lesson that day that she will never know the value of. This made me realize that it was time to share our story.  In some ways it is more freeing than ever.  Even if only 1 person reads this, I put it out there.  It is “live”. So, you see, 2012 was by all means the “year of Racer Lee” in our house.  He is teaching us lessons we all need to learn.  Lessons about life, love and acceptance. And we are all better because of it. My thoughts moving forward for 2013… To love more.  This covers the spectrum for me.  Family.  Friends.  Business.  It has been more evident than ever for me that I must love what I am doing.  If it feeds my soul then it will feed other people’s souls.  My business is centered around life and my own life needs for me to hone in on what speaks to me the most.  It is not an easy clear cut answer for me, but it is a question that I am embracing.  The answer will allow me to love even more.  It is time to focus on what I love. To live in the moment a bit more.  This is on everyone’s list, right?  I don’t expect to be living in the moment every minute of every day.  I mean, who wants to relish washing dirty dishes or packing four lunches 5 nights a week?!?  But I want to more than I am now.  I am taking on a 365 challenge to help with this.  One of those picture a day sort of things, but incorporating my JOY project that I had started before.  If you want to follow along, comment below.  I would love to follow you as well.  I may post some here, some on instagram,  follow me @fabulousoccasions …. who knows.  But I am going to do it.  I am 3 days in.  (I haven’t posted them yet but have taken them!  HA!)  Join me. To actually learn from 2012.  To take these lessons that I have been taught and actually LEARN from them.  To incorporate them into our lives.  To love.  To live.  To slow down. Jeremy put it so wisely when he said  ”Each year, whatever our other resolutions about weight, money, love, or anything else, we get the same opportunity to promise to ourselves and others to be wiser, gentler, more humane, more effective. Or simply, better.” I want to be better. I thank every person that has walked through my door, both in 2012 and for all the years prior to that.  For welcoming me into your lives.  For coming in as a client and leaving as a friend.  My world is so much fuller because of you. My wish for all of you in this new year is that love fill your hearts, laughter fill your homes and peace overwhelmingly fill your souls.Happy 2013, my friends!  These 5 people and their amazing daddy are my life.  And, I truly believe that no matter where I am, as long as I’m with them, I am home.

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